Hi friends! Lately I've been thinking about what I would tell my younger self now that I am more than a decade out of high school. I have learn so much about life since then. I've shed many tears, laughed until my stomach hurts and gone through many seasons of life. In retrospect, I admire the girl that I was then but that is not without saying there aren't many times that I wish I could go back and be like "girl, let me fill you in on this". I'm sure we all have those moments from time to time.
Here is what I'd tell my teenage self...
Dear Hil,
High School will not be easy. Your in this weird paradox between being the nerdy honors student but also being pretty darn cool. You can be a bit intimidating at times but that's because you feel like you have to be strong all the time.
People will like you, but there will also be people who try to make your life hell. You never really know why. I hate to tell you this but you will deal with bullies for most of your high school career, until you finally have enough and stand up for yourself. I wish you would have stood up for yourself sooner. Dealing with those bullies on a daily basis will shape who you are in the future. You will become TOUGH from it but you will also become guarded in many ways. I hope you know that those bullies are just jealous of you, they see a light in you that they hope to dull. The mean things they say about how you look, talk, dress and style your hair are not true. You are amazing the way you are. No one will know your being bullied on a daily basis for years, and how deeply it affects you because you have the best poker face in town. But when you go home, you cry many days and wonder "why me". It doesn't help that administration and teachers know what's going on, and do nothing for many years. Just know you'll be okay. You start to think it's normal, being teased daily but it's not. Stand your ground! God will give you the strength to stand your ground soon enough.
You will make good friends, best friends. Your friends will be your world. So many good memories will be made. By the time you graduate things will change though. You will change. Your life becomes more focused on getting your degree(s). You don't really fit in with many people your age, your a bit of an old soul. Partying and drinking just isn't your thing and you refuse to try to force yourself to be something your not. I'm glad you stayed true to that. You start to feel like the odd ball and where you once fit in no longer fits anymore. Misunderstandings happens, words are said, sides are chosen...so you fade into the background. You will feel lonely for a while but eventually you will make true friends again.
You will learn all about dating. Yikes. Your first boyfriend will be a boy that isn't right for you at all, even though at the time it will seem like it. You will put up with a lot of crap for a while, until you wise up. Don't be hard on yourself for missing warning signs, your only 15/16 years old. Eventually, you get courage to walk away from that toxic situation. You had no clue what love was just yet and it is not until you start dating your now husband your Senior year, that you understand what real love is like. Just an FYI - when you start dating your now husband, people will hate that too. You see, he's a jock. They will ask him, why are you dating a nerd? Little did they know, that nerd is wife material.
Choir will be your life, your one true outlet will be singing. Your safe space.
There will be days where you just can not wait to graduate high school. You have the drive in you to never look back and once you walk out those doors, you never will. You will fully disconnect from that place, the people and everything that you went through during that time. You will start over but the scars will still be there for a while until you finally acknowledge that you were bullied, and that it is okay to say that out loud. Your high school experience was rough most days and that while it was not okay what happened to you and you will no longer let it define you.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. Going to college will be liberating for you. No one will care about your clothes or your social status... no one will haze you all day while you are in class trying to learn. College will be everything you needed. You will find yourself and realize, it was never anything wrong with you... it was them.
"Hurt people, hurt people"
Comments
Post a Comment