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The Art of saying "No" - Tea Talk

I know I'm not the only one who has struggled with saying "NO" at times. This was actually something I actively worked in this year and I feel that I've gotten a lot better but even so, it still can be hard to say not without feeling guilty. I realized I struggle with this over a year ago. I had constant back-to-back lunches and dinners, etc. scheduled with friends and family. Everything was so close together, I was struggling with having time to myself to regroup.

Finally, when things slowed down, I realized just how exhausted I was. Also, I realized all of the money I used from constantly having outings so close together. It was then that it clicked; I could've said no. I could've easily say "hey, this month I am booked but maybe next month". Why didn't I do that? Guilt. I felt like I was being anti-social or letting people down who clearly wanted to hang out with me. But you know, that wasn't fair to me.

I've said this before, but I'm an introvert and sometimes too many social outings drain me. So I started making changes to my schedule and just saying no. It was hard and still is at times, but it was the best thing I could do for my own mental health. Now I know if you nip it in the dub and say "no" with kindness, most people are totally understanding you can't always say yes!

 Here are some ways to say NO:
  • I'm sorry, but I'm busy.
  • Thanks for thinking of me, but I can't right now.
  • I'd love to but I'm overly committed.
  • No thanks.
  • I'm already booked up.
  • Maybe next time.
  • I don't think I'm the right person to help with that.
  • Sounds fun, but I'm not available.
If you are still feeling guilty, ask yourself a few of these questions to put things into perspective:
  • Does this truly need to be done or is it a distraction?
  • If I say yes to this, will I be resentful?
  • If I say yes to this, what will I be saying no to?
  • Am I trusting God can meet this need for me, if I don't do it?
  • Am I the person who is called to do this?
  • Am I doing this out of fear or guilt, or do I actually want to do it?
  • Am I answering intentionally or impulsively?
  • Does this fit in with where my life is headed this season? 
Once you get past that guilt, here are some hard pills to swallow as Adults:
  • You can't make everyone happy.
  • Anyone gossiping about your choices is insecure about their own life.
  • The right people love and understand you.
  • Everyone isn't mad at you.
  • People aren't analyzing your every move.
  • Some people won't like your response, and that's okay.
  • You don't have to be perfect.
If it's someone who cares about you, they won't push it and that will be enough! Simple, right? But of course there are those few who push and push, at that point be firm and just say NO! You don't owe anyone an explanation. Stand strong!

"I don't need to do what everyone wants me to do. I don't have to anticipate everyone's needs. I don't need anyone to approve of me. I don't have to explain myself. I don't need to feel guilty about my boundaries. I don't have to say yes if I want to say no. I don't need to feel bad for staying home. I don't have to overextend myself to be enough. I don't need to feel the way someone else feels. I don't need to pretend I'm different than I am. I don't have to put others before myself". -Lisa Olivera

"Be so fucking committed to your growth that you're willing to say no without guilt and yes, without fear"
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