Happy Tuesday to those who have taken the time to stop by my little corner of the internet!
In 2018, I embarked on a spiritual journey and really started going deeper with my faith. This is actually the first time I am openly talking about this but God spoke to me and asked me to share this. So here I am, sharing. I woke up one morning with a random thought that it was time that I put God first in my life, now that I am wiser I know that was a nudge from God calling me closer to him. What a beautiful journey this 3 years has been for me. I had no idea what I was doing or how I was going to do it, but I knew I had a deeper calling on my life than just surface level faith. 2018 was a lot of growth for me. I started really picking myself apart and asking myself hard questions like, who do I want to be in the future and what can I do to get there? What am I holding on to that I need to deal with or let go of? Why am I always so anxious and how can I stop letting my anxiety cripple me? This was hard ya'll! Many days I felt drained breaking these things down. I started a faith journal where I documented my thoughts, prayers, scriptures and notes because I was processing so much. By the end of 2018, I had a clear picture of myself and I knew if I was going to be who I truly was destined to be, who GOD wanted me to be, I had to keep doing this hard work.
I'm a Christian but there are days I think totally random negative thoughts, but now I know how to pray those thoughts away.
Whelp, I'm about to get deep. Fair warning.
Recently, I have been thinking more & more about how awesome God is to love us despite our many flaws. He made us in his image and continues to love and protect us even though most days, we fall short.
My family has always been believers in God. While we may not have always been avid church goers, I have always known who God was and that everything I have is thanks to him. My Mom has always been a prayer warrior, and instilled in me very young to PRAY and seek God for everything. Every night I find her on her knees praying before bed. If I could describe an earthy Angel, it would be my Mom. Speaking of Angels, I think of my Paternal Grandfather, who we called Papa. He was a man of faith through & through, most of his days were spent reading his Bible, that he read front to back time and time again. As he got older, he would listen to it on tape. He never spoke one bad word about anyone, was soft spoken and was the most beautiful man I've ever known. He radiated God's light. I can still see him now, in a quiet corner in his bedroom, reading and praying. I remember going to Church with him as a young girl, now that I am older, I miss those moments more than ever. Papa passed away when I was 12 and now that I am days away from turning 28, I wish I could do Bible Study with him and pick his brain on the Word. I'm sure he sees me now though. I think he'd be proud. And then there's my Maternal Aunt, who always encourages me to seek God and make Him the head of my life. I guess what I am saying is, we have always been believers but not too long ago I realized that God wanted more from me than just simply believing.
My family has always been believers in God. While we may not have always been avid church goers, I have always known who God was and that everything I have is thanks to him. My Mom has always been a prayer warrior, and instilled in me very young to PRAY and seek God for everything. Every night I find her on her knees praying before bed. If I could describe an earthy Angel, it would be my Mom. Speaking of Angels, I think of my Paternal Grandfather, who we called Papa. He was a man of faith through & through, most of his days were spent reading his Bible, that he read front to back time and time again. As he got older, he would listen to it on tape. He never spoke one bad word about anyone, was soft spoken and was the most beautiful man I've ever known. He radiated God's light. I can still see him now, in a quiet corner in his bedroom, reading and praying. I remember going to Church with him as a young girl, now that I am older, I miss those moments more than ever. Papa passed away when I was 12 and now that I am days away from turning 28, I wish I could do Bible Study with him and pick his brain on the Word. I'm sure he sees me now though. I think he'd be proud. And then there's my Maternal Aunt, who always encourages me to seek God and make Him the head of my life. I guess what I am saying is, we have always been believers but not too long ago I realized that God wanted more from me than just simply believing.
In 2018, I embarked on a spiritual journey and really started going deeper with my faith. This is actually the first time I am openly talking about this but God spoke to me and asked me to share this. So here I am, sharing. I woke up one morning with a random thought that it was time that I put God first in my life, now that I am wiser I know that was a nudge from God calling me closer to him. What a beautiful journey this 3 years has been for me. I had no idea what I was doing or how I was going to do it, but I knew I had a deeper calling on my life than just surface level faith. 2018 was a lot of growth for me. I started really picking myself apart and asking myself hard questions like, who do I want to be in the future and what can I do to get there? What am I holding on to that I need to deal with or let go of? Why am I always so anxious and how can I stop letting my anxiety cripple me? This was hard ya'll! Many days I felt drained breaking these things down. I started a faith journal where I documented my thoughts, prayers, scriptures and notes because I was processing so much. By the end of 2018, I had a clear picture of myself and I knew if I was going to be who I truly was destined to be, who GOD wanted me to be, I had to keep doing this hard work.
I entered 2019 feeling lighter already, but I knew the next step was to get into my Word. So, I started reading my Bible everyday. Yes, everyday! God said to me, how can you live by my Word if you have not read it for yourself? I said...whelp, I guess you're right and I haven't looked back. Here I am, almost 3 years later and I have consistently been reading my Bible and man, how this has changed my scope on life. Everything I needed was right there, waiting for me. By the end of 2019, I felt encourage more than ever to openly talk about my faith and to share God's light with others.
And then came 2020, the year that tested my faith. When 2020 came, all of this preparation made sense to me. This is why God came to me almost 3 years ago, telling me to come closer. I started January 2020 with another thought, find a Church. I somewhat brushed it off but soon after stumbled upon someone talking about their Church on YouTube. Yes, YouTube. I did some research and it sounded like everything I was looking for. Only downside was that there was not a location in my State. I was about to exit their website but then God said, keep looking and I realized this Church has a Online Campus and Groups that you can join & have fellowship. I went back and forth for days, battling myself. You see the enemy didn't want me to take that next step, but God said otherwise. I joined Life.Church and finally felt I had a church community. Again, God knew that in March a pandemic was coming and that I needed that last step in order to be spiritually equipped for what was to come. I'm so glad that I listened because with each step that I have taken in the last 3 years, I've never felt more like myself than I do now.
I can proudly say, I am a Christian!
I can proudly say, I am a Christian!
I'm a lover of Jesus.
I'm a daily Bible reader.
I'm a prayer warrior.
I'm a Church member.
I'm ME.
But I'm not perfect.
You see, God didn't put me on this whole journey 3 years ago to make me perfect.
He put me on this journey to show me it's okay that I'm imperfect.
He put me on this journey so that I could fully rely on him.
He put me on this journey so I could survive this crazy year.
He put me on this journey so that I could find ME.
I'm a Christian but there are days I think totally random negative thoughts, but now I know how to pray those thoughts away.
There are days where I listen to songs with tons of cuss words, strictly because I like the beat lol.
There are days where I have to make myself pray for those who wronged me because I know forgiveness is the only way to live.
There are days where I forget to participate in my Church Group because I'm so exhausted from work.
There are days when old feelings of hurt resurface because I'm a thinking, feeling human.
There are days when I rather watch tv than read my scriptures.
There are days where I just CAN'T with people.
There are days when I questions who is in my corner but I know God is always in my corner.
There are days when I get too far ahead of myself and try to plan all aspects of my life and then I realize, girl you are NOT in control.
Let's be REAL, I'm a Christian but I am known for dropping a cuss word (still working on that).
The past 3 years have been A LOT of work but I wouldn't change this spiritual journey for anything in the world. Someone told me that God was preparing me for something much greater than I could even imagine and maybe that's true. Maybe I'm on my way to something amazing or maybe, just maybe the simplest explanation is that I just needed to find who I am in Christ. Regardless of the reasoning behind all of this, I'm thankful.
My point is, I'm a Christian but God loves me the way I am. He knows my heart, He knows I'm trying, He knows me better than I know myself.
The past 3 years have been A LOT of work but I wouldn't change this spiritual journey for anything in the world. Someone told me that God was preparing me for something much greater than I could even imagine and maybe that's true. Maybe I'm on my way to something amazing or maybe, just maybe the simplest explanation is that I just needed to find who I am in Christ. Regardless of the reasoning behind all of this, I'm thankful.
My point is, I'm a Christian but God loves me the way I am. He knows my heart, He knows I'm trying, He knows me better than I know myself.
I am a Christian but I am no better than anyone else. I am and will always be a work in progress. And now I know more than ever, that is OKAY.
Praying for whoever reads this to be encouraged to take a journey for self-love and growth, whatever that may be for you. It'll change you for the better.
"God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day." Psalm 46:5
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