Up until I was about 18 years old, I thought all friendships were meant to last forever. Yes, that may sound silly but from my experience, I hadn't lost many friends. Granted, I've never been one to have many friends to being with, which may be why the friends I do have, I tend to hold near and dear.
Growing up, I always had a best friend. I mean a ride or die, we spend all our time together, wearing matchy outfits, kind of friend. I was so grateful for that friendship during that time in my life. I've always been shy and introverted, so making friends isn't always the easiest thing for me. Granted, I had a few other friends of course but they weren't my BEST FRIEND. I remained friends with this person for 10 years. Our friendship lasted from the tail end of elementary school (when we first met) up until the beginning of my sophomore year in college. That's a long time right?! But just as things begin, things end and our friendship ended 9 years ago, abruptly from a falling out. It sounds crazy when I say that out loud, that 9 years has gone by. During this time, I honestly didn't know how I was going to recover from that heartbreak of losing such an important person in my life. I put so much energy into that friendship, that when it was over, I wasn't left with many friends. I had grown distant from many people. I had to start over. I felt alone a lot. Of course, I had some people in my corner but they weren't my childhood best friend. I was angry that things ended the way they did for many years. I wondered what I could have done differently. I questioned why someone would be in my life for so long, all for something like this to happen.
As they say, time heals all wounds. I grew closer and closer with one of my cousins, which helped a lot. I never knew a family member could turn into one of your best friends but she did and still is. The only problem is that she had a family of her own and a full-time job, so there were still times I felt alone being a 19/20 year who didn't have all those responsibility yet. Nonetheless life moved on, I finished Undergrad and made a few more friends along the way, but none of those stuck long term. The other friends I did have, we grew more and more distant, not for any particular reason other than life. It wasn't until I graduated from Undergrad that I found friendship in my former boss, which was unexpected but exciting. We bonded over knitting, and I finally started to feel like I found a new friend that would go the distance. That was 7 years ago, and that unexpected friendship is still going strong.
I started Graduate School in 2014. I went into the program still longing to make connections with people. Little did I know I'd meet some awesome people who I clicked with. I finally felt like I had a network of people. It was a great feeling. We all hung out often, talked throughout the week about work, family and whatever else. Things were good, and I had hope again, that hope I had somewhat lost back in 2011.
Two years went by, myself and my new found friends finished our master's degrees and were still communicating and meeting up to hang out. I was so grateful to have found these awesome people. There was finally light at the end of the tunnel. My mistake was thinking again, that these were my forever friends. I invested too much time and energy, just like I did with my childhood friend. By the end of 2017, one friend in particular started to distance herself more and more. But we continued to try and reach out. Around 8 months later she completely ghosted me. I was shocked. The one good thing about the ending of my childhood friendship is that there was a falling out, so I knew exactly why we stopped talking but to this day, I still have no closure with this friend. Out of everyone in our friend group from Grad School, we were the closet. We hung out apart from the group, talked the most and shared things about our lives that were personal. I was so hurt. I'm still a little hurt to be honest.
This entire story may seem like gloom and doom, but there was a lesson learned at the end. This was something I wish I would have realized with my childhood friendship; some friends are only here for a season. Now that I am older, I can understand this concept better, and it has lead me to start the healing process for the many people who have suddenly walked out of my life without reason. Some people are put in your life for the time being and THAT'S OKAY. My childhood friend was there for me during a time that I was super shy and didn't feel confident enough to put myself out there. She also helped me get through being bullied for a number of years (saving that for another day). We had a beautiful friendship, but it wasn't supposed to last a lifetime. I can say that now without regret. The friends I met in undergrad were there for the time being, they helped me not feel alone. And while that was only a short period of time, I'm grateful to have had those laughs and memories with them. Now I can say that. The friends I met in Graduate School where there during a time of that I was longing for new friendship. Honestly, they all made getting through my Master's degree a lot easier. It was nice to have some support; people to talk about assignments with. That turned into a great group of friends to hang out with. I understand that some of those friends, mainly the one who ghosted me, was there for the time being too. I get it.
So now, that's how I choose to look at friendships, seasonal. Unfortunately, I never know how long the season will last when I meet people but I know that regardless, I have to embrace the time I have with them and if/when that time is up, I'll know God is making room for new people in my life. Sometimes you outgrow people. People let you down, life continues to move forward and before you know it years went by. Things get easier with each passing day and one day you wake up and it all clicks. That's where I'm at. I no longer put all my energy into just one friend. I try to remain balanced and keep the friendships I have going to best I can. I also know that I can't do all the work by myself, so I've stopped trying to force people to be the same type of friend I am. Everyone's concept of friendship is different and everyone needs something different. I meet people where they are now and don't try to make it more than it is.
I'm so grateful for the friends I do have. There was a time in my life where I was starting over and now I do have a close network of amazing girl bosses that I hold dear to me. I don't try to think too far ahead anymore and take claim to a forever friendship. I try to stay content with the now. I know that right now, these are the people in my life and if the seasons changes again, it may hurt but it's not the end of the world. As Fall turns to Winter and Winter turns to Spring and Summer; people will come and go just like the seasons.
As they say, time heals all wounds. I grew closer and closer with one of my cousins, which helped a lot. I never knew a family member could turn into one of your best friends but she did and still is. The only problem is that she had a family of her own and a full-time job, so there were still times I felt alone being a 19/20 year who didn't have all those responsibility yet. Nonetheless life moved on, I finished Undergrad and made a few more friends along the way, but none of those stuck long term. The other friends I did have, we grew more and more distant, not for any particular reason other than life. It wasn't until I graduated from Undergrad that I found friendship in my former boss, which was unexpected but exciting. We bonded over knitting, and I finally started to feel like I found a new friend that would go the distance. That was 7 years ago, and that unexpected friendship is still going strong.
I started Graduate School in 2014. I went into the program still longing to make connections with people. Little did I know I'd meet some awesome people who I clicked with. I finally felt like I had a network of people. It was a great feeling. We all hung out often, talked throughout the week about work, family and whatever else. Things were good, and I had hope again, that hope I had somewhat lost back in 2011.
Two years went by, myself and my new found friends finished our master's degrees and were still communicating and meeting up to hang out. I was so grateful to have found these awesome people. There was finally light at the end of the tunnel. My mistake was thinking again, that these were my forever friends. I invested too much time and energy, just like I did with my childhood friend. By the end of 2017, one friend in particular started to distance herself more and more. But we continued to try and reach out. Around 8 months later she completely ghosted me. I was shocked. The one good thing about the ending of my childhood friendship is that there was a falling out, so I knew exactly why we stopped talking but to this day, I still have no closure with this friend. Out of everyone in our friend group from Grad School, we were the closet. We hung out apart from the group, talked the most and shared things about our lives that were personal. I was so hurt. I'm still a little hurt to be honest.
This entire story may seem like gloom and doom, but there was a lesson learned at the end. This was something I wish I would have realized with my childhood friendship; some friends are only here for a season. Now that I am older, I can understand this concept better, and it has lead me to start the healing process for the many people who have suddenly walked out of my life without reason. Some people are put in your life for the time being and THAT'S OKAY. My childhood friend was there for me during a time that I was super shy and didn't feel confident enough to put myself out there. She also helped me get through being bullied for a number of years (saving that for another day). We had a beautiful friendship, but it wasn't supposed to last a lifetime. I can say that now without regret. The friends I met in undergrad were there for the time being, they helped me not feel alone. And while that was only a short period of time, I'm grateful to have had those laughs and memories with them. Now I can say that. The friends I met in Graduate School where there during a time of that I was longing for new friendship. Honestly, they all made getting through my Master's degree a lot easier. It was nice to have some support; people to talk about assignments with. That turned into a great group of friends to hang out with. I understand that some of those friends, mainly the one who ghosted me, was there for the time being too. I get it.
So now, that's how I choose to look at friendships, seasonal. Unfortunately, I never know how long the season will last when I meet people but I know that regardless, I have to embrace the time I have with them and if/when that time is up, I'll know God is making room for new people in my life. Sometimes you outgrow people. People let you down, life continues to move forward and before you know it years went by. Things get easier with each passing day and one day you wake up and it all clicks. That's where I'm at. I no longer put all my energy into just one friend. I try to remain balanced and keep the friendships I have going to best I can. I also know that I can't do all the work by myself, so I've stopped trying to force people to be the same type of friend I am. Everyone's concept of friendship is different and everyone needs something different. I meet people where they are now and don't try to make it more than it is.
I'm so grateful for the friends I do have. There was a time in my life where I was starting over and now I do have a close network of amazing girl bosses that I hold dear to me. I don't try to think too far ahead anymore and take claim to a forever friendship. I try to stay content with the now. I know that right now, these are the people in my life and if the seasons changes again, it may hurt but it's not the end of the world. As Fall turns to Winter and Winter turns to Spring and Summer; people will come and go just like the seasons.
"They say everything happens for a reason, and people change like the seasons, they grow apart."
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