Happy Monday! This year I've really made an effort to try and work through some of the anxiety I face in social situations. As long as I can remember, I've always been shy, reserved and introverted but I don't think I really started feeling anxious about social events until my teens. Day-to-day, I'm fine if I am in my own element but it's something about having to step outside of my comfort zone that has always rattled my brain. It's almost like I am trying to predict who will be there, if they will be friendly or not like me at all, and if I will fit in. I then try to think of a backup plan or an exit in case my worse fears end up happening. These are all the things that cross my mind as I prepare to go to an outing with people I may not know, which kinda sucks the fun out of it! 9 times out of 10, everything ends up fine and then I realize I wasted days leading up to the event worrying and stressing over things that aren't even reality.
It wasn't until this year that I actively began to work through my social anxiety and take a look at what was going on in my head. Before, I somewhat told myself it wasn't a big deal to not go to an event due to fear. I started to look back at things I declined because I was afraid of the "what if" or things I did end up going to but made myself miserable because I didn't know what to expect. I woke up one day and knew that somethings gotta give. I was ready to admit this was an issue, which opened the door for me to start finding ways to cope. Of course on the outside I look completely fine but on the inside I feel myself sinking into a hole of "WTF, I can't do this".
This year I also started to embark on a spiritual journey to deepen my walk with God. I realized that a lot of my anxiety came from fear of the unknown, but I also realized sometimes it's okay to not know. I shouldn't be carrying all of these worries; God would want me to be happy and free of fear, worry and stress. He'd want to be go to a wedding, for example and live my best life! I began to pray and journal, asking God to guide me and to give me strength when I begin to have these feelings. Instead of just basking in all these fears, I would instantly start to pray about it and send those feelings up to God instead of carrying them alone. It's amazing what prayer can do.
I've slowly but surely changed my mindset and started to think more positive. Yes, when things come up, I still get anxious but it's no where near where I was. This month alone, I did 3 things that I typically would decline. I'm starting to tell myself "yes, you can" instead of staying home and wondering how things would have gone. That is not to say I am going to go to every event that is brought my way, but the things that do seem interesting, I am challenging myself to step outside the box and go. In that, it is also realizing that it's okay to not click with everyone, that doesn't mean I still can't have a good time and that doesn't mean I need to then go home and internalize everything that happened.
I finally opened the door for God to take the lead, fully and completely. Here I am now, almost through 2019 and I can not say that I am magically cured of anxiety but I am getting better! This is something I'm sure I will have to keep working at everyday, but at least now I know I can get through this and at least get to a place where I am not a hostage of my own mind. There is always hope; there is always room for personal growth and positive change. All of which is easier said than done but it's possible. I know now that I can face anything head on through Christ who strengths me, even if it is as simple as going to a birthday party. Of course I'm only speaking for myself and my own experiences and what has been helping me, everyone's journey is complete different. I'm still a work in progress and I'm okay with that... Regardless, Social Anxiety, I'm coming for you!
It wasn't until this year that I actively began to work through my social anxiety and take a look at what was going on in my head. Before, I somewhat told myself it wasn't a big deal to not go to an event due to fear. I started to look back at things I declined because I was afraid of the "what if" or things I did end up going to but made myself miserable because I didn't know what to expect. I woke up one day and knew that somethings gotta give. I was ready to admit this was an issue, which opened the door for me to start finding ways to cope. Of course on the outside I look completely fine but on the inside I feel myself sinking into a hole of "WTF, I can't do this".
This year I also started to embark on a spiritual journey to deepen my walk with God. I realized that a lot of my anxiety came from fear of the unknown, but I also realized sometimes it's okay to not know. I shouldn't be carrying all of these worries; God would want me to be happy and free of fear, worry and stress. He'd want to be go to a wedding, for example and live my best life! I began to pray and journal, asking God to guide me and to give me strength when I begin to have these feelings. Instead of just basking in all these fears, I would instantly start to pray about it and send those feelings up to God instead of carrying them alone. It's amazing what prayer can do.
I've slowly but surely changed my mindset and started to think more positive. Yes, when things come up, I still get anxious but it's no where near where I was. This month alone, I did 3 things that I typically would decline. I'm starting to tell myself "yes, you can" instead of staying home and wondering how things would have gone. That is not to say I am going to go to every event that is brought my way, but the things that do seem interesting, I am challenging myself to step outside the box and go. In that, it is also realizing that it's okay to not click with everyone, that doesn't mean I still can't have a good time and that doesn't mean I need to then go home and internalize everything that happened.
I finally opened the door for God to take the lead, fully and completely. Here I am now, almost through 2019 and I can not say that I am magically cured of anxiety but I am getting better! This is something I'm sure I will have to keep working at everyday, but at least now I know I can get through this and at least get to a place where I am not a hostage of my own mind. There is always hope; there is always room for personal growth and positive change. All of which is easier said than done but it's possible. I know now that I can face anything head on through Christ who strengths me, even if it is as simple as going to a birthday party. Of course I'm only speaking for myself and my own experiences and what has been helping me, everyone's journey is complete different. I'm still a work in progress and I'm okay with that... Regardless, Social Anxiety, I'm coming for you!
"As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others, and choose compassion over judgment and curiosity over fear (Tracee Ellis Ross)."
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